According to Google confidence is defined as; a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities. The antonyms given for confidence are uncertainty and doubt.
Uncertainty and doubt were certainty how I felt about myself in every aspect so to say that I lacked confidence would be a severe understatement! I remember wishing I would gain confidence because I had this deep hope that it would completely transform my life into something better. Wow, I was really putting a lot on the power of self-confidence wasn’t I? The problem was I couldn’t figure out how to gain it which led me to feel like I’d never overcome it.
One of the reason’s I believe I wasn’t able to overcome it was because I wasn’t willing to put myself out there and allow it to grow. I wanted it to come easy. You know like say a prayer and then wake up the next day feeling confident and all would be great, right!! Well, God doesn’t work that way so that never happened! God expects us to show up and put in some work after all he has given us the spirit of power, love, and a sound mind according to 2 Timothy 1:7.
Having grown in the confidence department and personally feeling like there is a great deal of room for improvement I felt the urge to share this with you all! I know where you are and I know how desperate you are for an answer! I know this because it was me, I was utterly desperate only I didn’t let anyone verbally know it, on the inside, it was eating away at me. Let’s jump in, what do you say?
Oh, wait, before we jump in I want to say something. You are NOT alone, I know I just admitted that confidence was (and still is) a struggle for me, but there are countless women (and men) would battle this very same thing every single day! When we realize we are not alone it bring a little relief and when we see people who have gained confidence it represents what is possible for us as well.
I’m going to share with you the three tips that helped me gain confidence as a woman who always struggled in this department!
#1. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
The first step I took that allowed me to gain more confidence was stepping outside of my comfort zone repeatedly! Now, I know this is so much easier said than done, I promise you I get that! But if you never step out, if you never do the scary things, if you never go head-to-head with your fears/doubts/insecurities then your never going to truly experience the life you were created to live and you’ll never gain confidence!
Gaining confidence requires YOU doing uncomfortable things. This can be done in a process you don’t have to go head-to-head with your greatest fear right off the bat!
Begin on a smaller scale and work your way up! This is what I have done and I continue to do this in my life and business!
For example, I have been terrified of public speaking since I was in high school. I remember in my Junior or Senior year I had speech class and there were less than 14 people in that class with me and I knew every single one of them well but I was terrified to stand up and speak in front of them all! I know many people have this same fear so it’s quite relatable! This past December I was presented the opportunity to go on a 5-city empowerment tour that would kick off in the summer of 2017! Me, the same girl terrified of speaking in front of 14 kids she had known almost her entire life and the same girl who almost dropped out of college in her final semester because she had to give 4 presentations! I accepted the opportunity almost immediately! Now it wasn’t without all those fears popping up all over the place reminding me public speaking was NOT my thing!
So how was I able to accept this speaking opportunity and know that I would be able to follow through on it? First of all, FAITH! Secondly, I had been preparing for this opportunity without even realizing it! What do I mean by that? I had been sharing my personal story via post in Facebook groups, seeking out guest podcast opportunities, I had been a featured guest expert in Facebook groups via Facebook live, I had recorded training videos for a coaching package I had created, and I had been connecting with other entrepreneurs online via Zoom video chats! All of these things required me to step outside of my comfort zone and speak in my zone of genius!
When I took that speaking opportunity I didn’t stop doing all these things instead I increased them. I began doing daily FB lives on my business page, guest blogging, went to a speakers retreat (where I had not met a single person in person beforehand), I co-hosted the FIERCE & CONFIDENT Biz Boss Summit where I interviewed 14 amazing women entrepreneurs about how they created a confident life, built a fierce business, on their own terms their own way!
As I write this I’ll be hitting the stage for the first time in exactly 17 days! I can honestly say that I am more excited than I am nervous! It’s because I have prepared myself mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically! I now know that me getting up on that stage isn’t about me at all it’s about me sharing what God has done in my life and what I’ve leaned in order to show other women what is possible for them and how they can achieve it as well! There is huge power in stepping outside of our comfort zone with the intention to lift others up and help them live the life God created them for! A huge ripple effect is create and who doesn’t want to be part of something as amazing as that?
#2. Get Accountability
In order to gain confidence I first gained accountability! When I talk about gaining accountability I don’t mean by reaching out to your closest friends and stopping there. Because let’s be honest our friends are part of our comfort zone and we don’t do much growing when we are inside of our comfort zone!
Our friends can have a difficult time being completely honest with us because they don’t want to hurt our feelings or ruin the relationship. This is totally understandable and something I think most of us can relate to!
The form of accountability that helped me gain confidence was hiring a coach! I’ll be honest and say I’ve had many different coaches throughout my journey, about 4 in 15 months if we are counting! When you hire a coach you are investing in yourself, you are saying I matter and I am capable of creating a positive change in my life, and you are paying for someone to be completely honest with you and to be your accountability partner! I would like to mention it’s important to do your research before hiring a coach so that you make sure you are in alignment with that person and they are in alignment with you! You’ll be working alongside one another for extended periods of time and if you want to create a change you will need to be on the same page so to speak!
One of the great things about hiring a coach is their ability to see amazing things in us that we cannot see in ourselves! Their belief in us usually surpasses our belief in ourselves! When a client shares their goals and dreams with me that is a big step because they are lying it all out there. They trust that I am going to support them in their goals and dreams and that we will work together to bring them into their life! The same for me when I hire a coach, I share my vision, I share my goals and dreams, I share the struggles I can see, and I let them know I need to be held accountable in order to see progress! If you are anything like me you may tend to get off track quite easily which can be super frustrating! When working with a coach this can be prevented because we set a clear intention on what we are going to work through and when other things start to come up we will assess if they are in line with what we are currently wanting to work on. Do they fit into our current most important goal? If the answer is no then it can wait!
The benefit of doing this means we are able to focus our attention on ONE goal which means we are able to take action and then we begin to see PROGRESS! When we see progress our confidence builds in our ability to live that goal/dream! Also simply having another person who truly believes in you and keeps a positive perspective builds confidence as well - there is something beautiful about another person seeing how great you are even when you can’t!
#3. Lean into God’s Word
I believe this to be the GREATEST factor in my gain in confidence! When I truly began to lean into the word of God I started to transform from the inside out. I was able to see for myself who’s I was, how great I was and always have been loved, how every sin of mine has been forgiven, and how unique God sees me! I was also able to see the many great works Jesus performed in the lives of countless people due to their faith in his ability to do so! Lastly, I was able to see just how much alike I was to many key players in the Bible. Take Moses for example, I speak of him often because I can relate to him so well. When God called Moses to go to Pharaoh and command that He let the Lord’s people go Moses spewed disqualifying comments out of his mouth! Moses lacked confidence in himself and his abilities! In his mind, there was no way he could do all that God was asking of him. And you know what he was right, on his own he was capable of no such thing, but with God nothing was impossible! I began to realize this is not only the message God was sending to Moses but also to me and every other human on this earth!
Let’s back up a bit and look at what leaning into the word actually looked like for me when I was just starting out! I believe this is important because you are probably thinking it’s great I was able to glean so much from the word but when you read it it’s just a pile of words that make little to no sense. It’s ok to admit that if you truly feel that way! I say that because that is how I felt for a great many years! The thought of reading the Bible was so far from fun and exciting to me instead it was more frustrating and confusing! I didn’t see the benefits because the times I did open it and begin reading I didn’t understand anything or see how it related to me and my life - or the current century for that matter!
The key thing here is getting a Bible YOU can understand and there are roughly 900 English translations for you to choose from according to my Google research. If you need to start with a Bible that is geared toward teenagers then do that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you getting something that will make sense to you! Once you have a Bible that YOU can understand the next thing is to begin reading it consistently. Now let me mention that consistent means doing something the same way over time and you get to decide what that looks like for you! I believe that reading the word daily has many amazing benefits but if you are just getting started that could totally overwhelm you and we don’t want to go anywhere near overwhelm! So you made a decision on how often and for what amount of time you will get into the word each week. You could even give yourself a 3-day, 7-day, 21-day challenge to read one scripture every day for those days until you create a habit for yourself. Remember we all have to start somewhere and we all fumble when trying something new so give yourself a lot of grace because that is what God does!
I have developed the habit of getting into the word in the early mornings when everyone else is still asleep and before I’ve done anything else (especially get on social media or check my email). In the beginning, I would just randomly open my Bible and begin reading until I decided to stop other times we would be reading a particular book in Sunday school and I would read there. What you read and for how long is totally up to you just do as you feel led! There are days when I get really into it and read a few chapters and others where I only read a few verses so try not to be so strict and hard on yourself. There will not be a test at the end of the week it’s about allowing the Holy Spirit to create a stir in your heart that will guide you in life!
Just allow his word to wash over your like the rain washes over everything it touches! When I began to read how very good God has called me, how much he loves me despite all the things he already knew I was going to do, the good and the bad and how I am made in His likeness, and so many other great things I began to be transformed. I no longer needed confidence in myself because I could see all the work God already put into me before I entered this world! I began to see how mighty my God was and all the miracles He has done which reminds me there is NOTHING he can’t help me do if it is in his will! Taking the time to read the Bible and grow and mature in Christ is truly the most powerful tip in growing my confidence!
To recap the three things I did to gain confidence was get out of my comfort zone repeatedly, get accountability, and consistently lean into God’s holy word! Remember that each thing you do leads up to another thing therefore, you continue to grow in life and gain confidence! If you struggle with getting into the word, creating doable action steps that get you outside of your comfort zone and into living your dreams or having the accountability you know you need then let’s change that!
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