Ever ask yourself what if I would have waited?
I went back and forth between what if I would have waited to what if I wouldn't have waited. These two questions tend to cut me deep within for only I and God know the depths of my doing and not doing.
The question what if I would have waited brought up instances where feelings of shame, guilt, defeat, ugliness, unworthiness, and rejection resided.
The question what if I wouldn't have waited brought up instances where feelings of laziness, defeat, confusion, frustration, and anxiety resided.
One thing I know for sure is that I cannot change one single instance about my past. Everything that I did is done and everything I didn't do didn't get done. However, I can change how I feel about all those different experiences.
All that shame, guilt, laziness, defeat, frustration, anxiety, unworthiness and rejection don't have to follow me around anymore. I am not those things I did or did not do, they are simply choices I made at different points in my life. While some were wild, crazy, and even dangerous, other's could be viewed as playing small, settling, living below my true potential, hiding behind excuses, and playing the victim I've decided to become a different person with a different perspective.
I have learned massive amounts due to choices I made over the last several decades. For instance, I learned that God can take broken things and make them beautiful. I am most definitely one of those broken things that He made beautiful. I cannot put into words how grateful I am for His grace, love and mercy.
I have been redeemed, He has set me free and there isn't any way that I can just sit back and keep that to myself. I mean I spent so much time in bondage to all of my failures. Wondering if I would ever break free from all of them. Jesus died on the cross for all my failures, mistakes, bad decisions and lack of self-control. It doesn't matter who thinks I am unworthy, undeserving or a complete mess because God is in control and He has set me free from all of those things.
Too much time was spent believing the voices, the lies, that said I was my regret, I was defeated, I was only going to get up to get knocked down again, I was defined by all the mess. I had defined myself by all of the ugliness and I'm sure others defined me because of it as well. However, I am the daughter of the one true king, who is love, who is faithful, who heals the broken, who set's me free, and who washes all my sins away.
I am not defeated, the enemy will not win, the enemy will never get that much of me again, for now I am wise. I lean on the Lord, I come to Him with everything and He is my protector. I am not damaged goods, I am worth far more than pearls, rubies or gold, I am made whole. I am uniquely, fearfully, and wonderfully made.
God isn't only doing this for me He's doing it for you as well. You just have to go to Him and open up your life to receive Him. It's totally fine to say I'm not who I use to be and not have your whole life figured out beyond those words. Lean into God, speak to Him, pray often, read his holy word and ask Him to come into your life and lead you. Take all your broken pieces and hand them over to Him so He can mend you together for all that He created you to be. It's time to rise up and step into your truth, the world is waiting, God is waiting, I am waiting. He has placed a great strength inside of you and it's time you put it to use in a way that will prosper you.
To Our Dreams & Beyond,
P. S Wanna connect more? Have questions? Need encouragement, strength, accountability or just other women like you to chat with? Head on over to my private Facebook group Beautifully Driven and join in the discussion. Click here to join us. Can't wait to see your beautiful face over there.