Does fear get in your way? Does it stop you from setting your BIG goals, cause you to self-sabotage and/or procrastinate, make you second guess yourself and your ideas, cause you to think more about what others will think of you than consider how far you’ll get if you act regardless?
Trust me I know that fear is a HUGE issue for many of us myself included. Which is what prompted this blog post, I want to help you move through your fears and begin living your life!
Just imagine where you’d be in your life, the joy you’d experience and the impact you’d be making if you could move through your fears and just do it already! I vividly remember wishing I could just get over my fear of public speaking, my fear of asking or answering a question in class, my fear doing live video and many other things. I would hope that I’d wake up one day and God would have answered my prayer and taken all my fear and reservations about those things away! I’d all the sudden be able to do them without worry!
What in the world was I thinking? We don’t simply get to snap our fingers and move forward in life, think about it if we did that we wouldn’t appreciate anything, we’ve never strive to become the best version of ourselves, we’d never to able to connect with others on deep levels and so much more. Moving forward requires courage, faith, and initiative. Those aren’t exactly the easy route out, I know. It wasn’t the answer I was hoping for myself but it’s the one I came to accept!
Now that I’ve completed scared you and you are hanging onto your hope with a thread I’d like to share with you 5 strategies that will help you move through those paralyzing fears of yours!
#1. Act in 5 seconds or less
I learned this from Mel Robbins. She explains that if we act within 5 seconds of less we avoid the fear, the doubts, the what if’s and all the other negative and paralyzing self-doubting emotions! It’s that pause we take to think before we act - Robbin’s points out we don’t have long! Waiting longer than 5 seconds exposes you to all the fears and worries you so desperately want to overcome! Try it next time something comes to mind just act with what feels right for you and don’t “think” about it for longer than 5 seconds!
When I first heard Robbin’s mention this I totally realized the difference inside my head when I act within the five seconds and when I don't act within the five seconds. For example, getting on FB live if I’d have an idea and just hop on FB to share it my heart wouldn’t be pounding, I wouldn’t feel anxiety, and I wouldn’t want to end it as quickly as I started. However, if I had the idea to hop on FB and spent more than 5 seconds deciding if I would I’d either chicken out or hit live with shaky hands, a pounding heart, and complete worry that I’d forget what I had to say. Putting things off and contemplating them lead to fears, doubts, worries, and insecurities piling up faster than I knew what to do with. There were so many times I let these feelings consume me and I never actually did the live video or any video for that matter.
Remember, if you haven’t made it past the 5 seconds then act, go with whatever action feels like the right thing for you and build your wings as you go! I know it’s scary but the words and how to get it done will come you just have to trust yourself and your ideas!
#2. List Worst Case Scenarios
Let’s say the fears have surfaced, now what? It’s important that you train yourself how to move forward when you experience situations like these. If you’ve went past the 5 seconds and feel the fears surfacing its great to ask yourself if it’s happened to you before? Has said fear ever come true previously? If the fear did happen previously what came of it? Did you survive? Hint: If you are reading this the answer is yes. If the fear has never actually come true then ask yourself what is the worst thing that would come of it? Then ask yourself how doing this thing moves you forward in life no matter how small of a step it may seem. Then make a decision whether or not to go ahead with the action.
The fears, doubts, and worries that are coming up for you need to be trained to know if they are important enough to notify you! So taking the time to ask yourself what the worse case scenario is helps your subconscious mind learn if it’s truly important and likely to happen. This helps diminish the fears when you see the worse case scenario isn’t that bad after all and when you realize it’s actually not that bad your subconscious will eventually stop alerting you so loudly!
Going back to the example of me doing FB lives. I was so scared in the beginning. I remember the first time I was going to be a featured guest expert in someone else's group and I was flooded by fear, doubt, and insecurities. This was going to be my first time sharing specific information via live video in a group. I remember sitting there intending to hit the go live button and my heart felt like it was literally going to jump out of my chest and onto the table. I wanted to back out so badly. The only thing that kept me from backing out was the fact that I had already given my word to the group admin and she had already promoted my talk. I was expected to be in her group at that specific time to share a specific topic and as scared as I was I couldn’t go back on my word! That very thing is what helped me to press that go live button and to share my expertise that day. Now when it came time for me to do FB lives from my own business page I didn’t have that same level of commitment because I had not promised anyone I would be anywhere! When I would think about doing FB lives from my biz page I’d had many fears come up such as: what if I forget what I wanted to say, what if I trip over my words, what if I go off on a tangent, what if I say umm 10,000 times, and what if people think what I’m sharing isn’t helpful, and so many other things? I let this stop me from sharing my expertise for far too long and then I started asking myself, what is the worst that can happen?
The truth was the worst that could happen was: maybe I would get sidetracked and go on a tangent but that’s not bad its like bonus information for those listening, what if I tripped over my words no biggie I do that in regular conversation at times, what if I say umm a lot again I do that in regular conversation, what if people don’t feel what I’m sharing is helpful they just won’t watch. Not to mention, for every person that isn’t interested 10 more will be. My worst case scenarios turned out not to be unrecoverable! How dare I stuff my expertise, my experiences, my light, and my God-given message into a box over such possible yet unlikely + not so bad worse case scenarios? Totally not worth it, so now I show up and share often!
There are also things I can do to prepare ahead of time that will help me avoid these possible worse case scenarios. For instance, if I'm worried that I might forget my talking points or go off on a tangent I could always create a little sticky note with my main points, if I’m worried my information isn’t helpful I can list out possible takeaways (what’s common knowledge for us isn’t for others), and if I trip over my words or say ummm more than a few times people will get to see how human and relatable I am! My worst case scenarios that were coming up for and holding me back turned out to be not so horrible when I dug a little deeper. I encourage you to do that as well.
#3. List Best Case Scenarios
I know I just said to list out your worse case scenarios and here I am telling you to list out the best ones, are you confused? If so, just hang in here with me, I promise this is helpful!
Ask yourself what's the best thing that could happen if I move forward with/in this? In my FB live example, I could say, “What's the best thing that could happen if I get on Facebook alive?” Well, there are many great things that could come of it such as: many people receive my wisdom and knowledge who wouldn’t have otherwise and they take that to make their life better plus others they come in contact with, I could connect with people from all areas of the world which could become opportunities to collaborate with other entrepreneurs and business owners, I could get new clients, I could inspire or encourage someone to go for their big dreams, and the list could go on and on! These are all amazing things and they totally outweighs the worse case scenarios I had! You see it’s not about us we truly have to get out of our own way so we can serve other’s the way God has intended!
Maybe you can’t relate to the FB live example let me give you another one. Let’s say you are wanting to apply for a new job but you have all sorts of fears, doubts, worries, and insecurities coming up. You could instead ask yourself, “What’s the best thing that could happen by applying to said job?” Well you could actually get hired, you could work for a place and in an environment you love, you could have a schedule that works better for you and your family, you could make more money, and you could have more time with your family and less stress about paying the bills. There are so many different positive things you could look at that would it easier to go for your goal focus on those more!
#4. Recall Previous Fears You’ve Overcome
When your fears are flaring up it is perfect timing to recall previous fears you’ve come through and how the benefits outweighed the worries. Recall those things that were scary yet you move forward regardless and here you are today, a survivor! All those worries yet here you are they didn’t totally consume you like you have previously imagined! No matter how much doubt you had there are still things you’ve been able to overcome and its super important that you bring those to the forefront of your mind when these fears are creeping back in! No matter how scared you were, how unsure of yourself you were, how insecure you were, you made it through. Recalling those situations helps boost your confidence, prove to yourself you are capable of far more than you give yourself credit for, and its another reminder that our worse case scenarios are usually crazy lies known as upper limits trying to stop our new level of greatness!
I'm willing to bet if you're here reading this you've overcome at least ONE fear in your life to date! Maybe you don’t see it as something you’ve totally overcome because it still comes up for you at times which means it’s still a struggle. However, each time you take action inspire of the fear know you're conquering it, you are wearing down that fear, this doesn't mean that it is going to go away completely but it will become more manageable.
For example, let’s look at the fear of heights. I’m sure you know an abundance of people who are scared of heights. I am scared of heights too. When I’m up high I feel like there's a loss of control on my part and I began to think about all the crazy things that could go wrong. I’ve become more aware of this fear over the years and have continued to work at overcoming it. Which means stepping up, literally stepping up to higher platforms and doing things scared! I get on rollercoasters, climb to the top of extremely tall buildings, and even get on airplanes. These are examples of different things that I can remind myself that I’ve done before and I survived. Reminding myself that I survived gives me the confidence boost to keep going through whatever it is that I’m facing then. You can apply this same strategy in your life as well!
#5. Remember Your Goal
The fifth and final strategy for moving through your fear is remembering your goal, truly touching base with what it is you are wanting to do, the end goal.
When you are feeling the fear when it has gotten up in your face and all in your way it's time to recall why you need to do the thing that is causing you the fear! If your end goal is important and meaningful to you then recalling it will help you move forward. It will give you that extra push of motivation because you can see that the discomfort is minimal in the grand scheme of things. Put your fear in its place, let it know that in comparison to your end goal its insignificant.
I just want to touch on how normal fear is and how everyone experiences it in some form or another. In order to move forward, we have to get uncomfortable and feel the fear and act regardless. There is no easy way around it and you’re not in this alone. There are many people who do things on a daily basis that they're scared to do, they have doubts, insecurities, and worries yet act because they keep their end goal in mind and know its importance.
Sometimes it helps for us to realize that we are not the only one who is experiencing this same fear around this same situation. We can take that even further and realize that there are also people who had this same fear around this same situation and they acted and survived. These people represent what's possible for you!
You have to train your brain as to what is truly a real fear, a real threat, and what is an illusion. Because fear isn’t all bad, it can be a good and useful thing, right? There are benefits to our mind alerting us via fear. For instance, if we're in danger our body will alert us and help us. Our fight or flight instinct kicks in and I’m sure you are just as grateful for that instinct as I am. The problem arises when our fear flares up over the wrong situations and causes our fight or flight instinct to go off with all it’s bells, whistles, and flashing lights. It’s about teaching your body when it’s ok for you to run towards a situation because it's going to benefit you and others instead of cause harm.
Quick recap the 5 strategies you can use to move through your fear are: act in 5 seconds or less, list out the worse case scenarios, list out the best case scenarios, recall previous fears you’ve overcome, and remember your end goal!
I’d love to know which strategy you plan on implementing in your life in the comments below. Or if you have something else that helps you move through fear we’d love it if you shared in the comments as well.
Still feel like fear consumes you, you are unable to take action to achieve your big goals, and your confidence is at a low 1? Click here to book your breakthrough session today.